Naruto's Journal
by Kyuubi no Kitsune0101
Summary: Sequel to Insanity 2. The moments he started going crazy. The kills, the thrills. The thoughts and problems. Naruto from four to forty. AU M for safety.
1. Entry One: Discovering Differences

**Disclaimer: Don't Own Naruto. I don't even own a car or a house.**

**Naruto's Journal is basically the events that led to Naruto's insanity (the italics in Insanity 2). It's in third person because I'm terrible at first. Enjoy.**

**Entry One: Discovering Differences**

Four-year-old Naruto woke up to a one-bedroom apartment with a heavy heart. He never had a mother that woke up with gentle words and made sure he was fed. He never knew of his father that would've tickled him and carry him out to the table. Sighing, the child got out of the small bed and looked at the clean place. He was already an adult. The child went to take a shower before breakfast. He didn't want to smell bad in case the mean people noticed.

"Stupid shower," Naruto mumbled as he climbed onto the counter with the help of a chair without any clothes. He found the cereal box and jumped down with it; he glanced at his nude body with a frown. "Stupid water." His water was freezing cold, but the little blonde put up with it because he needed to be strong. Weakness wasn't an option here. He quickly poured in the cereal and milk because he just wanted to get out of the apartment. It takes the child only ten minutes to finish his cereal and another ten to get dressed in a pair of brown shorts with a black t-shirt. He stomped on his shoes and locked the apartment door. "Where to?" Naruto looked around him and sighed. To the park again.

"Sakura-chan! Wanna play tag?" a wild looking boy asked. A pink haired girl shyly nodded and went to join the game. They didn't know that they had a watcher. Naruto didn't play with anyone. He wasn't allowed. If he tried, he'd get beaten harder later for trying to corrupt the children. He watched with blank eyes from a tree branch instead. He was busy trying to figure out how he was different.

His eyes were the brightest blue there, but Yamanaka Ino had blue eyes that were duller than his. His hair was the brightest shade, and again Yamanaka Ino was trailing that. He was shorter than everyone else due to lack of nutrition. That was one difference. He had whisker marks while everyone else had blank cheeks. Naruto didn't know that, years from now, Choji will have swirls and Kiba would have triangles scarring their cheeks. Naruto figured out the biggest difference. He didn't have any parents and lived alone in an apartment. They were striking differences.

"Run! Kiba's it!" a random boy shouted. Naruto continued to watch this little game while sorting through his thoughts. He wanted to be one of the giggling children below him. He wasn't much different from them, and the orphan thing shouldn't count. Everybody hated him, and he didn't know why. What could a four-year-old child do to an entire village that a man couldn't? Naruto glared at the children now, and it wasn't like they knew he was up in the tree.

"I've got you, Choji!" Kiba shouted. Naruto punched the tree as he let out a growl. Not a single child noticed him yet. He punched the tree again in frustration. He just wanted one pair of eyes to look at him with joy! Not a sliver or pity or hate. Joy. Pure, unadulterated joy. Naruto ignored the fact that his knuckles were now bleeding. He didn't have a mother to kiss it all better or a daddy to distract him. He had only himself, and as long as he didn't care, his knuckles would bleed.

"Not fair!" another random child shouted. Naruto looked at the ground below him. The dirt was rock hard from there not being any rain in about a month. He wondered what would happen if he jumped from the tree? It would end everything because he would go splat. His guts and brain would be everywhere. Naruto smiled as he imagined all the kids screaming and running away. He'd give them something to run away from. Another thought crossed Naruto's mind. What would they do to his unprotected body when they found out? He started crying at his fears and lack of courage.

"It's okay," a voice said. The voice belonged to an adult. Naruto froze and looked around. There was nobody below or above him. He saw the source of the voice. A father was tending to a little girl's scrapped knee. Naruto frowned and felt jealous. He hated everyone because they had parents. He had nothing. Nobody loved him. He was a filthy creature. He would never be anything else. "There, all better." The father helped the kid to her feet, and she was off again. Going to tag her friends and seek revenge against the boy who tripped her. Naruto felt his hatred melt into sadness as he gave up and watched the children play together.

Naruto didn't make it back to his apartment until past midnight. He took the long routes to ensure that he wouldn't run into anyone. He went without supper because he wasn't hungry. Naruto took the chair over towards the drawer that held the knives for the ANBU to use when they cook him something. Naruto took out one of the little knives and held it in his hand for a second. The door was locked on the apartment, and none of the windows were unlocked either. All he had to do was stab his wrists and stomach, and then, it'd be all over. He'd bleed out on the floor and be discovered by noon the next morning. Naruto looked at the knife's blade and saw his reflection.

"No!" Naruto shouted as he violently put the knife away. He jumped from the chair and stormed back the hall. He slammed his bedroom door shut and ran over to his bed. Underneath the cover, Naruto began to cry his heart out. He would die because that would make him a coward, but if he lived, he would live in a lot of pain. The poor child cried himself to sleep and dreamt of a Konoha that accepted him. He didn't want to wake up from this dream.

The Hokage had a pair of ANBU check up on Naruto because the blonde boy had been missing all day. The ANBU in the dog mask sighed and got Naruto changed into his pajamas. The four-year-old mumbled something about ramen, but he didn't wake up. The dog ANBU got a wet cloth and gently wiped away Naruto's tears. The boy didn't need to remember that he cried himself to sleep. As soon as the ANBU finished, Naruto rolled over and mumbled something about silver furred dogs.


	2. Entry Two: First Kill

**Disclaimer: Don't Own Naruto. I don't even own a car or a house.**

**This is where things get freaky. The first slip.**

**Entry Two: First Kill**

Naruto isn't four anymore. He left four behind years ago. He's twelve and sitting in a stuffy Academy class. His personality is a contrast to his at four. The suicidal thoughts used to plague Naruto for days, but he never went through with them. He was thrown into the Academy three years ahead of everyone and met the adult he was looking for. The one with kind eyes.

His name was Umino Iruka. Naruto could never get a true story out of him about his scar, but it made the mystery so much better. Iruka had kind, warm brown eyes that made Naruto feel loved. The older man made Naruto want to be different. Iruka and Naruto met when a six-year-old Naruto was swinging alone during break. The teacher was determined to see all the children get along, and he couldn't help but noticed the one that sat alone through everything.

"Hello, little boy," Iruka said. Naruto didn't look at the teacher. He patiently waited to be yelled at for something he apparently did wrong. "I'm Umino Iruka, but you may call me Iruka-sensei. What's your name?" Naruto looked up and saw the first pair of eyes that were glaring at him. This man was actually smiling at him. At Naruto! Naruto was taken back a bit and didn't say anything. Iruka crouched down to be eye level with the six-year-old. "What's your name, little guy?" Naruto hugged Iruka as an experiment. The Chunin slowly hugged back.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto said quietly. He let go of Iruka and looked at the Chunin. He touched the older man's scar and began to examine it. Naruto wanted to know where the scar came from. "How'd you get your scar?" Iruka felt quiet and didn't look so happy anymore. Naruto grew worried. He backed away and was half way up the tree when Iruka grabbed him. Naruto almost screamed, but he knew that screaming only attracted other adults.

"Naruto, I won't hurt you," Iruka said. He sat down by the tree and placed Naruto next to him. "You see, my scar is a funny thing. Some people believe I was born with it, but in truth, I got my scar from running with scissors." Naruto looked disappointed. He would never know that Iruka's scar wasn't from any scissors. He had been in enemy territory and took a wrong step. He didn't want the future shinobi to know that until they were older because he was to be encouraging them to be shinobi. "What? It's the truth, I swear it." Naruto frowned and shrugged. "How'd you get your whiskers?" Naruto touched the scars on his cheeks with a smirk.

"I was born with them!" Naruto announced. He was happy around Iruka because he didn't hate him. "Iruka-sensei, are you my friend?" Iruka nodded in response and was given another hug. "Don't forget about me because I'm in a higher class." Naruto failed three times to be sent back three times to get into Iruka's class and be with kids his age. Everyone just figured that Naruto was stupid. Naruto was smart; he just wasn't ready to leave Iruka. He failed the year he should've passed and saw Iruka's disappointment. He had to pass somehow.

Naruto took Mizuki's offer because he was desperate. He needed to pass to make Iruka happy. He made a mistake though. He didn't want to give up the scroll, so Mizuki and him charged at each other. One armed with a kunai, and the other with a giant shuriken. It took ten seconds for two lives to be lost with one of them being a terrible accident. Iruka had killed Mizuki with little effort; Naruto stabbed Iruka in the stomach. The biggest mistake Naruto made was pulling the weapon out in fear.

"Naruto, don't cry," Iruka stuttered out. He spat out blood as Naruto applied pressure onto the wound. He wouldn't let Iruka die. He wasn't ready to let Iruka go. Iruka was his only friend. Naruto watched Iruka die. "Proud of you." Iruka shakily took off his hitai-ate and put it around Naruto's forehead. "Proud of you." Naruto knew Iruka was gone when the schoolteacher didn't say anything more. He looked at the blood on his hands and let out a blood curling screaming. It wasn't his, and he didn't mean to kill Iruka. It had been accident.

"Naruto, come away from there," the Hokage said about an hour later. Naruto looked over at the old man with a sorrowful look. The old man knew he was sorry. It had been an accident. The Hokage wasn't going to kill him, so he was safe. How much longer could he be safe? "Naruto, come here." The twelve-year-old outstretched his bloody hands towards the Hokage. "Take him and get him bathed." Naruto screamed as he was taken away by a pair ANBU. The Sandaime watched Naruto leave with pitiful eyes.

Naruto screamed as they roughly washed away. Iruka's blood was diluted by the water and went down the drain. Naruto watched mud and blood mix and disappear. The two ANBU scolded him several times and looked as though they didn't want to be there. Naruto cried every second of the bath. He didn't like this. Iruka was gone. He killed the man on accident.

No one noticed the flicker in Naruto's eyes. He finally slipped off the edge and was starting to fall. How much longer until the bottom was met? Naruto didn't notice or care. He was too busy fighting away nightmares of many dying by his hand. He didn't know that those dreams would come true.


	3. Entry Three: Changes

**Disclaimer: Don't Own Naruto.**

**Someone noticed Naruto changing.**

**Entry Three: Changes**

Sakura looked at her teammate as he looked at his handwork. He had killed one of the demon brothers out of pure instinct. Sasuke was guarding the client as Naruto was looking over the body and Kakashi talked to the other brother. That brother seemed to be shaken up. Sakura was worried about Naruto ever since Iruka-sensei died. The incident was never truly explained, but Iruka died a hero. All Naruto did was smile all the time as if to hide his pain.

"Sakura, look! I got him in the throat!" Naruto shouted. Sasuke cringed at the mental image, and Sakura didn't move. She didn't know what to say. Naruto was supposed to be the annoying kid brother nobody wanted. Sakura punched him on the back of the head with a roll of her eyes. She didn't hate him, but she didn't love him like he wanted. Naruto laughed and proved Sakura right. He was getting weirder and weirder every time he killed somebody. "Sakura! What was that for?" Naruto pouted and held the goose egg that formed there.

"Naruto, make sure you burn the body," Kakashi said. The other brother had to watch his brother's burning. Naruto laughed as the body burned, making everyone a little uneasy. They didn't know what to do about this new Naruto. He was ready to go as the body burned. Kakashi ordered them into a formation and continued their way. Naruto was in deep thought up until they met with Zabuza.

Naruto sat down in one of the guest rooms at Tazuna's house. He ignored everyone else and thought of their reactions. They were afraid. He didn't want anyone to fear him. He wanted to be recognized not feared. Naruto knew what he had to do. He had to go back to before Iruka. He had to forget Iruka. It was going to be painful, but he had to do it. He sighed and stood up. Iruka meant nothing now. Just an unlucky casualty in the game Naruto knew as life. He ran out of the room, shouting for Sakura.

"Sakura-chan! Do you want to walk around the village with me?" Naruto said, faking happiness. Sakura was shocked. Where was the depression that was there a second ago? She was actually afraid of him due to his sudden regression back before Iruka's death. "Do you?" He smiled at her and bounced around. She smacked him. "Ouch, Sakura-chan! Why'd you hit me?" Naruto pouted with his eyes closed because it kept them from seeing him falling down several more feet.

**Not as long as the first ones, but these will vary in length.**


	4. Entry Four: Promise

**Disclaimer: Don't Own Naruto.**

**Promises are often a problem.**

**Entry Four: Promise**

Naruto left to get Sasuke on a secret mission. Sakura wasn't to know about it, and she was given the excuse that Naruto was away on another mission. She hated not knowing what everyone clearly did. The mission was sealed off from anyone below the Hokage. Sakura couldn't even bribe the answer out of Lee either. He kept telling her about telling would be extremely unyouthful, and Gai backed that statement up, which began a rant about youthfulness that killed some of Sakura's brain cells.

Her favorite blonde boy eventually did come back, but he came back with a tied up Sasuke. She was shocked at first, but the shock turned into a glare. He had gone off without her and brought Sasuke back. He broke his promise about letting her help. She resisted punching him though because he was bubbly and happy. She ended up sighing at her loss and hugging him. It didn't matter that he was covered in the blood and guts of Sasuke's old teammates because he was home and alive. Both her boys were alive and well. Naruto laughed and closed his eyes. He didn't want Sakura to see the change in him. She didn't need to see him falling a little farther down as he took a light punch to his arm.

"You should've let me help," Sakura scolded. Naruto shrugged and carried Sasuke to see Tsunade. Sakura went with him and continued to flick him. He laughed each time she did. They dropped Sasuke off in the office and went to Ichiraku's Ramen for an early dinner. Sakura punch his arm lightly again with a chuckle. He was too cheery sometimes, and it was contagious.

"As the future Sixth Hokage, I order you to stop that!" Naruto complained. Sakura laughed and pushed him all the back to his apartment from the stand. "What's wrong with me?" Sakura muttered something about guts and blood stinking like hell with a laugh following it. Naruto stuck his tongue out at her as she continued to push him like a small child. She laughed and flicked him again. He skidded several feet and laughed at her. She smiled at him. God, he loved her smile and laugh. It didn't matter that she was dating Kakashi. That lucky bastard. He slipped a little more as they continued.

**Still short. Review please. Critiquing is always welcome.**


	5. Entry Five: Hyuga Princess

**Disclaimer: Don't Own Naruto.**

**The life of shelter shinobi never ends this tragically.**

**Entry Five: Hyuga Princess**

Everyone stopped worrying about Naruto too much and chalked it up to it being stress. Naruto laughed as he stood in front of his bathroom mirror. His knuckles were white from gripping the sides of the sink. Gritting his teeth, he resisted against pulling out his emergency kunai from the medicine cabinet. He cracked the porcelain and caved. He pulled out the kunai and looked at the opposite wall. It was a copper color from dried blood. He sighed and looked at his bathtub. Hinata was watching him in fear.

"Hinata-chan, it's not you, it's me," Naruto said. He smiled at her. "I love you." Hinata was bound at the wrist and ankles with a gag. He sighed again. "Don't be like that." She pressed herself against the wall to get farther away from him. "I love you very much." Naruto had removed her clothing earlier to make it easier to kill her. "It'll be fun!" Naruto took off his clothes too and placed them on the sink. He sat the kunai on the toilet lid and climbed into the tub. Hinata whimpered and begged him not to with her eyes. Naruto didn't care as he began to play with her breast. Her body betrayed her as her arousal made him smile. "You like?" She shook her head, but her fate was sealed.

Naruto finished with her. He pulled out and saw that she was crying. She needed to go now. Naruto smiled and put his hands around her throat. He watched as her life faded from her eyes and laughed. It was a turn on indeed. He entered her again and tried to get a reaction of her but failed. He exited and looked at her lifeless eyes. They continued to stare until he popped them out. He tossed them aside as he grabbed the kunai. Slowly and patiently, he skinned her. He laughed as he finished and petted her bluish black hair. She would be forever in his bathroom.

"Goodbye Hinata," Naruto said as he placed her skinless body in a clearing several miles away from Konoha. Nobody would find her for another hour or two. When they did, it would make the finder extremely sad to see her like that. Naruto didn't wait around to see. He returned home and walked into the bathroom. Pieces of skin laid everywhere, and her eyes were somewhere. Naruto stepped barefooted into the tub and giggled as something squished between his toes. He found her eyes. He began putting the skin in garbage bags. "So much trouble." Naruto scrubbed out his tub and knew he couldn't kill them at his home anymore. There was too much evidence.

The next morning was normal. Naruto quickly threw out the bags of skin in a dumpster several streets down from him and scrubbed his bathtub again. He decided to clean his entire apartment and bought sky blue paint for the bathroom. He was about to pain his bathroom walls when someone knocked on his door. He wanted to ignore the knocking and pretend he was sleeping, but it started to become persistent. He already knew who it was. Sakura would break his door soon.

"Naruto, Tsunade wants to see us. She has bad news," Sakura said. Naruto frowned and nodded. He had to act the part. If it was bad news, he should be puzzled. "Naruto, I think it's about Hinata." Naruto looked at her and nodded. The Hyuga had been reported missing three days ago. Everybody searched with no results. "I hope nothing too bad." Sakura looked like she was going to be sick from worry as they walked out of his apartment. Naruto knew the news too well as they entered the office. Konoha Twelve were all waiting along with Kurenai. He nodded to some of his closer friends.

"Three days ago, we received the report that Hinata didn't return home after her mission. We searched long and hard, but no result. At three this morning, a body was found by an ANBU team. We were able to identify it as Hinata through dental records," Tsunade said, gravely. She looked at the shocked and saddened faces around her. "She was skinned, and her eyes were removed. We have reason to believe that she was dead before that." Naruto began to cry in front of everyone because he had to be an actor. No emotion would spark suspicion. He couldn't let them think wrong. He cried and closed his eyes. He was getting closer and closer to the bottom.

**How was that? Anyone confused?**


End file.
